couchtripper

Got this from elsewhere.

They are originally from a book called Disorder in the American Courts. These are all true and have actually been said in a court word for word.

__________________________________________________ ____

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________ __________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Thx Griffo...

These are being emailed to my Father-in-law, he's a lawyer in DC... but has a wicked sense of humor.
It's also given me inspiration to locate the book, a copy for him & one for me.

Those are great

I love the "what gear were you in...?" one. I can totally imagine that with a lot of the people I see hanging around near my house.

nekokate wrote:Those are great

I love the "what gear were you in...?" one. I can totally imagine that with a lot of the people I see hanging around near my house.

On the same kind of tangent...

I was pulled over by the cops in the mid 80's with a quantity of hash in the car... (yes, I used to be naughty too at some point)...
I did what anybody would do at the time, I ate the 2 quarters before the cop had a chance to speak to me...
It was obvious to him (perhaps the large chunks of hash stuck to my teeth) that something was up...

I was taken in for questioning at the local police station, left in a holding cell for a few hours.
When it came to being interviewed (I have little recolection of this but read the court notes) I was not looking too healthy
I was asked by the cop "what are you on son"...
Apparently I looked down & said something like "An uncomfortable Chair"

These are ancient Griffo but, still funny